Funniest One Liners!

1When all else fails, admit I'm right and kiss my ass. Share on Facebook      
2I think I might be getting over my insomnia. The other day my foot fell asleep. Share on Facebook      
3I have a quantum car. Every time I look at the speedometer I get lost. Share on Facebook      
4High explosives are applicable where truth and logic fail. Share on Facebook      
5Recently I performed at an animal rights barbecue. Share on Facebook      
6Universal truth: One of the most awkward things that can happen in a pub is when your pint-to-toilet cycle gets synchronised with a complete stranger. Share on Facebook      
7Universal truth: Old women with mobile phones look wrong! Share on Facebook      
8Cannot find REALITY.SYS...Universe halted. Share on Facebook      
9I have an alien name Westly. He tells me to burn things. Isn't that funny? Share on Facebook      
10A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother. Share on Facebook      
11A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." Share on Facebook      
12Universal truth: People who don't drive slam car doors too hard Share on Facebook      
13I suffer from a sexually transmitted disease...children. Share on Facebook      
14If all the world is a stage, where is the audience sitting? Share on Facebook      
15A smart man covers his ass, a wise man leaves his pants on. Share on Facebook      
16To me, good exercise is soaking in a tub, pulling the plug, and fighting the current ! Share on Facebook      
17I will meet you at the corner of Walk and Don't Walk. Share on Facebook      
18I bought my brother some gift-wrap for Christmas. I took it to the Gift Wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping. Share on Facebook      
19Always do sober what you said you'd do drunk. That will teach you to keep your mouth shut. Share on Facebook      
20How come wrong numbers are never busy? Share on Facebook