Funniest One Liners!

1I need not suffer in silence when I can still moan, whimper, and complain. Share on Facebook      
2While having never invented a sin, I'm trying to perfect several. Share on Facebook      
3It is a poor workman who blames his tools. Share on Facebook      
4At my age, actions creak louder than words. Share on Facebook      
5ARMY: A Purple Heart proves three things: you were smart enough to think of a plan, dumb enough to try it, and lucky enough to survive. Share on Facebook      
6It was two years ago today, I lost my wife I'll never forget that card game. Share on Facebook      
7I have enough money to last me the rest of my life,...unless I buy something. Share on Facebook      
8Trust but verify. Share on Facebook      
9May all your ups and downs come only in the bedroom. Share on Facebook      
10Universal truth: There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something. Share on Facebook      
11I have a God-given talent. I got it from my dad. Share on Facebook      
12Help starve a feeding bureaucrat. Share on Facebook      
13I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens. Share on Facebook      
14A bachelor is like a modern cleanser: works fast and leaves no ring. Share on Facebook      
15I saved a girl from being attacked last night. I controlled myself. Share on Facebook      
16What are imitation rhinestones? Share on Facebook      
17That must be wonderful! I don't understand it at all. Share on Facebook      
18My wife says my sex drive has taken up walking. Share on Facebook      
19We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public. Share on Facebook      
20I have discovered the whole problem with the National Debt. Most of us work 5 days a week, and the government spends 7. Share on Facebook