Funniest One Liners!

1Never quit until you have another job. Share on Facebook      
2A hundred men may make an encampment, but it takes a woman to make a home. Share on Facebook      
3If you decide not to choose then you've already made the wrong choice! Share on Facebook      
4There's nothing wrong with the younger generation that twenty years or so won't cure. Share on Facebook      
5For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out. Then I filled my humidifier with wax, and now my room is all shiny. Share on Facebook      
6I have a degree in Liberal Arts - do you want fries with that? Share on Facebook      
7If a woman has to choose between catching a fly ball and saving an infant's life, she will choose to save the infant's life without even considering if there is a man on base. Share on Facebook      
8All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats. The lady across the hall tried to rob a department store, with a pricing gun. She said, "Give me all of the money in the vault, or I'm marking down everything in the store." Share on Facebook      
9If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant. Share on Facebook      
10Don't let anyone tell you you're getting old...Squash their toes with your rocker. Share on Facebook      
11Look out for #1. Don't step in #2 either. Share on Facebook      
12The wise man puts all his eggs in one basket and watches the basket. Share on Facebook      
13I feel better after I wine a little. Share on Facebook      
14The "think positive" leader tends to listen to his subordinate's premonitions only during the postmortems. Share on Facebook      
15National Schizophrenic's Convention: Anybody who's everybody will be there! Share on Facebook      
16A pessimist counting his blessings: 10 ... 9 ... 8 ... 7 ... Share on Facebook      
17Firefighting is like sex; size, equipment, and technique are all important. Share on Facebook      
18Giving birth is like taking your lower lip and forcing it over your head. Share on Facebook      
19How can I trust my bank to be ready for Y2K ? They can't even make the time and temperature sign work properly. Share on Facebook      
20Entropy isn't what it used to be. Share on Facebook