| 1 | If only closed minds came with closed mouths. |
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| 2 | What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told that bitch twice!
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| 3 | By the time they had diminished from 50 to eight, the other dwarves began to suspect "Hungry".
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| 4 | There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again.
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| 5 | Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours. |
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| 6 | I am reading a very interesting book about anti-gravity...I just can't put it down. |
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| 7 | Hallmark Card: "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." |
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| 8 | Theists think all gods but theirs are false. Atheists simply don't make an exception for the last one. |
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| 9 | Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. |
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| 10 | Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them. |
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| 11 | Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year? |
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| 12 | An adult is someone old enough to know better. |
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| 13 | You're not completely worthless...I can at least use you as a bad example. |
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| 14 | Try to be grateful and resentful at the same time, you can't serve two masters. |
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| 15 | Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale? |
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| 16 | If the frictional force is greater than the applied force, does the object move backwards? |
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| 17 | We buy things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people we don't know. |
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| 18 | A little bit of powder, a little bit of paint, makes a girl's complexion seem what it ain't. |
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| 19 | A long dispute means that both parties are wrong. |
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| 20 | Old Macdonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement. |
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