Funniest One Liners!

1I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell. Share on Facebook      
2Wit is educated insolence. Share on Facebook      
3What do you get when you cross an Iraqi and a dog? An Iraqi. Share on Facebook      
4Baseball is the only major sport that appears backward in a mirror. Share on Facebook      
5If all the girls in Australia were laid end to end, I wouldn't be at all surprised. Share on Facebook      
6WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked. Share on Facebook      
7If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes? Share on Facebook      
8My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York. Share on Facebook      
9The only way to have safe sex is to abstain... from drinking. Share on Facebook      
10Viewer discretion may be advised, but it's never really expected. Share on Facebook      
11What do prisoners use to call each other? Cell phones. Share on Facebook      
12Those who admire the freedom of birds have never built a nest. Share on Facebook      
13The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. Share on Facebook      
14Any argument carried far enough will end up in semantics. Share on Facebook      
15A true friend stabs you in the front. Share on Facebook      
16I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. Share on Facebook      
17If an infinite number of rednecks riding in an infinite number of pickup trucks fire an infinite number of shotgun rounds at an infinite number of highway signs, they will eventually produce all the world's great literary works in Braille. Share on Facebook      
18There's so much comedy on television. Does that cause comedy in the streets? Share on Facebook      
19The theory used to be you marry an older man because they are more mature. The new theory is that men don't mature. So you might as well marry a younger one. Share on Facebook      
20Failure is no more fatal than success is permanent. Share on Facebook