Funniest One Liners!

1Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before. Share on Facebook      
2Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m. Share on Facebook      
3I was the next door kid's imaginary friend. Share on Facebook      
4I gave up on Computing Dating after I was stood up by two mainframes, a PC, and a laptop. Share on Facebook      
5You can't go wrong with me... but you're welcome to try. Share on Facebook      
6I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well." Share on Facebook      
7It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time. Share on Facebook      
8First rule of acting: whatever happens, look as if it were intended. Share on Facebook      
9If you don't know where you're going how do you expect to get there. Share on Facebook      
10Don't think of it as getting hot flashes. Think of it as your inner child playing with matches. Share on Facebook      
11Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again. Share on Facebook      
12The Church says the earth is flat. But I know that it is round, for I have seen the shadow on the moon, and I have more Faith in a shadow than in the Church. – Ferdinand Magellan Share on Facebook      
13My mother said, "You won't amount to anything because you procrastinate." I said, "Oh ya.....Just you wait." Share on Facebook      
14If you haven't much education you must use your brain. Share on Facebook      
15Appearances are not everything, it just looks like they are. Share on Facebook      
16As an outsider, what do you think of the human race ? Share on Facebook      
17A computer is almost human - except that it does not blame its mistakes on another computer. Share on Facebook      
18Santa's elves are just a bunch of subordinate Clauses. Share on Facebook      
198 nickels == 2 paradigms Share on Facebook      
20Absence makes the heart grow fungus. Share on Facebook