| 1 | What do you get when you cross a Collie and a Pitbull? A dog that rips your arm off then goes for help! |
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| 2 | When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. |
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| 3 | A conservative is a politician who wants to keep what the liberals fought for a generation ago. |
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| 4 | When ideas fail, words come in very handy. |
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| 5 | A healthy, male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his weight in other people's patience. |
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| 6 | A Pessimist is what an Optimist calls a Realist. |
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| 7 | Somebody once figured out that we have 35 million laws trying to enforce 10 commandments. |
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| 8 | Worry is interest paid on trouble before it is due.
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| 9 | Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 a piece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards. |
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| 10 | Even the boldest zebra fears the hungry lion. |
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| 11 | Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand. |
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| 12 | When in doubt, do what the President does. Guess. |
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| 13 | It's strange, isn't it? Stand in the middle of a library and go "Aaaaaaagghhhh" and everyone just stares at you. But do the same thing on an airplane, everyone joins in. |
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| 14 | One night I came home very late. It was the next night. |
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| 15 | Children in the back seats of cars cause accidents, but accidents in the back seats of cars cause children. |
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| 16 | It is well documented that for every minute that you exercise, you add one minute to your life. This enables you at 85 years old to spend an additional 5 months in a nursing home at $5000 per month. |
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| 17 | Sanity is a state of mind... but the taxes were so high I had to move away. |
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| 18 | Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo! |
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| 19 | A free society is one where it is safe to be unpopular. |
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| 20 | If you believe everything you read, don't read. |
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