| 1 | If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. |
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| 2 | I'm a Frisbeeterian - When I die, my soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there |
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| 3 | I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast. |
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| 4 | If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable. |
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| 5 | ARMY: Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever, ever volunteer to do anything. |
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| 6 | I love cats, they taste just like chicken. |
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| 7 | It is important to stay cool, but be sure to not get frostbite. |
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| 8 | Aww, did I step on your poor little bitty ego? |
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| 9 | Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later, for another thing, they die earlier.
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| 10 | Love and Time: The only two things in all of life and all the world that cannot be bought, but spent. |
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| 11 | I've never had premonitions, but I think one day I might. |
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| 12 | Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. |
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| 13 | If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. |
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| 14 | When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. |
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| 15 | I had to stop driving my car for a while, the tires got dizzy. |
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| 16 | Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. |
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| 17 | Heart attacks... God's revenge for eating his animal friends. |
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| 18 | Every time I think about exercise, I lie down 'till the thought goes away. |
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| 19 | I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked. |
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| 20 | You can't think your way into a new way of living... You have to live your way into a new way of thinking. |
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