Funniest One Liners!

1I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. Share on Facebook      
2You can discover more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation. Share on Facebook      
3Every man reaps what he sows, except the amateur gardener. Share on Facebook      
4I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast. Share on Facebook      
5If it's not going according to plan, maybe there never was a plan. Share on Facebook      
6You know it is time to go on a diet when your pager goes off and you can't feel the vibration. Share on Facebook      
7If you can smile when things go wrong, you have someone in mind to blame. Share on Facebook      
8I went to the hardware store and bought some used paint. It was in the shape of a house. Share on Facebook      
9Above all else: Sky. Share on Facebook      
10I saw Elvis. He sat between me and Bigfoot on the UFO. Share on Facebook      
11Funny, I don't remember being absent minded. Share on Facebook      
12Accountants don't die, they just lose there balance. Share on Facebook      
13It is better to be part of the idle rich class than be part of the idle poor class. Share on Facebook      
14I've been on so many blind dates, I should get a free dog. Share on Facebook      
15I've learned that you can get by on charm for about fifteen minutes. After that, you'd better have a big weener or huge boobs. Share on Facebook      
16Morning people: "Early to bed and early to rise makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise."Night people: "Anybody who goes to bed the same day they got up is a quitter." Share on Facebook      
17One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. Share on Facebook      
18A diet is a weigh of life. Share on Facebook      
19I'm retired and this is as dressed up as I'm gonna get. Share on Facebook      
20A bus is a vehicle that runs twice as fast when you are after it as when you are in it. Share on Facebook