Funniest One Liners!

1Practical people would be more practical if they would take a little more time for dreaming. Share on Facebook      
2If you lined up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try to pass them, five or six at a time, on a hill, in the fog. Share on Facebook      
3Universal truth: The smaller the monkey the more it looks like it would kill you at the first given opportunity. Share on Facebook      
4The object of war is not to die for your country but to make the other bastard die for his. Share on Facebook      
5If you drop a white glove into the mud, the glove will get muddy but the mud will never get glovey. Share on Facebook      
6Anything worth doing is worth overdoing. Share on Facebook      
7A coward is a hero with a wife, kids, and a mortgage. Share on Facebook      
8Sometimes, when I drive across the desert in the middle of the night, with no other cars around, I start imagining: What if there were no civilization out there? No cities, no factories, no people? And then I think: No people or factories? Then who made this car? And this highway? And I get so confused I have to stick my head out the window into the driving rain - unless there's lightning, because I could get struck on the head by a bolt. Share on Facebook      
9I'm so old that, when I was in school, history was called current affairs. Share on Facebook      
10When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter." Share on Facebook      
11Why? Because I said so, damn it. Now go to your room. Share on Facebook      
12Luck is a lazy person's estimate of a worker's success. Share on Facebook      
13If not for STRESS I'd have no energy at all. Share on Facebook      
14It is not the lofty sails but the unseen wind that moves the ship. Share on Facebook      
15My wife says I should get up and go to work, but the voices in my head say I should stay home and clean my guns. Share on Facebook      
16I was on a date recently, and the guy took me horsebackriding. That was kind of fun, until we ran out of quarters. Share on Facebook      
17A man who eats prunes will get a good run for his money. Share on Facebook      
18(On a T-shirt) Who are you and why are you reading my shirt? Share on Facebook      
19It's not a shortage of judges that causes the problems in our courts; it's the excess of lawyers. Share on Facebook      
20You chatter more than a dolphin by a fish bucket. Share on Facebook