| 1 | My ex-husband was temperamental: 90% temper and 10% mental. |
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| 2 | WARNING: the conssumpten of alcahol may mack you tihnk you can tipe real gode. |
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| 3 | Laugh, clown, laugh. This is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo. |
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| 4 | Energizer Bunny Arrested - charged with battery. |
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| 5 | I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms.
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| 6 | Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff. |
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| 7 | Heaven is where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks are French, the lovers Italian, and all is organize by the Swiss.Hell is where the police are German, the mechanics are French, the cooks are British, the lovers are Swiss, and it's all organized by the Italians! |
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| 8 | Always forgive your enemies but never forget their names. |
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| 9 | If you touch a phosphorous lighting lamp for consecutive hours, you may develop a tumor. |
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| 10 | I refuse to think of them as chin hairs... I think of them as stray eyebrows. |
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| 11 | Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at statistics. |
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| 12 | People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people. |
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| 13 | Friendship is like money, easier made than kept. |
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| 14 | The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth. |
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| 15 | Don't steal. That's the government's job. |
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| 16 | Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long. |
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| 17 | I have a million dollar figure...but it's all loose change! |
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| 18 | Blessed are the censors; they shall inhibit the earth. |
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| 19 | Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug. |
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| 20 | There isn't enough insanity to spread to my other half. |
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