Funniest One Liners!

1You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time. Share on Facebook      
2The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. Share on Facebook      
3Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway. Share on Facebook      
4At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "I did," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill. Share on Facebook      
5It's a sad thing to visit Oklahoma and see Indians wearing cowboy hats. Share on Facebook      
6I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms. Share on Facebook      
7The human race is like granola - if you take away all the nuts and fruits all you have left is a bunch of flakes. Share on Facebook      
8Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket? Share on Facebook      
9My neighbor has a circular driveway, he can't get out. Share on Facebook      
10If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far. Share on Facebook      
11Urologists never have to advertise: They just open up an office and the patients come trickling in. Share on Facebook      
12What do they use to ship styrofoam? Share on Facebook      
13Things are more like they are today than they ever were before. Share on Facebook      
14By doing just a little each day, I can gradually let the task overwhelm me. Share on Facebook      
15Hermits have no peer pressure Share on Facebook      
16This statement is false. Share on Facebook      
17I would have made a good Pope. Share on Facebook      
18If at first you don't succeed....go back and reload the gun. Share on Facebook      
19Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them. Share on Facebook      
20The hardest thing in life is to do nothing... you never know when your finished. Share on Facebook