Funniest One Liners!

1If you find yourself in a hole, the first thing to do is stop diggin'. Share on Facebook      
2I'm a Frisbeeterian - When I die, my soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck there Share on Facebook      
3I don't do drugs. I get the same effect just standing up fast. Share on Facebook      
4If you have trouble getting your children's attention, just sit down and look comfortable. Share on Facebook      
5ARMY: Don't ever be the first, don't ever be the last, and don't ever, ever volunteer to do anything. Share on Facebook      
6I love cats, they taste just like chicken. Share on Facebook      
7It is important to stay cool, but be sure to not get frostbite. Share on Facebook      
8Aww, did I step on your poor little bitty ego? Share on Facebook      
9Men have a much better time of it than women. For one thing, they marry later, for another thing, they die earlier. Share on Facebook      
10Love and Time: The only two things in all of life and all the world that cannot be bought, but spent. Share on Facebook      
11I've never had premonitions, but I think one day I might. Share on Facebook      
12Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most. Share on Facebook      
13If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. Share on Facebook      
14When I was born, I was so surprised I didn't talk for a year and a half. Share on Facebook      
15I had to stop driving my car for a while, the tires got dizzy. Share on Facebook      
16Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die. Share on Facebook      
17Heart attacks... God's revenge for eating his animal friends. Share on Facebook      
18Every time I think about exercise, I lie down 'till the thought goes away. Share on Facebook      
19I'd really like to see how you look when I'm naked. Share on Facebook      
20You can't think your way into a new way of living... You have to live your way into a new way of thinking. Share on Facebook