Funniest One Liners!

1I'm extraordinarily patient, provided I get my own way in the end. Share on Facebook      
2I rented a lottery ticket. I won a million dollars. But I had to give it back. Share on Facebook      
3Blessed are the young, for they shall inherit the national debt. Share on Facebook      
4Hallmark Card: "As the days go by, I think of how lucky I am that you're not here to ruin it for me." Share on Facebook      
5Being intelligent is not a felony. But most societies mark it as at least a misdemeanor. Share on Facebook      
6Hey, settle down boys and girls, or Krusty will have to bring out his old friend, Corporal Punishment, again. Share on Facebook      
7I've got about as much self control as two rabbits on a first date. Share on Facebook      
8A little necrophelia never killed anyone. Share on Facebook      
9I had parked in the tow-away zone, and when I got back, the entire neighborhood was gone. Share on Facebook      
10Help a man when he is in trouble and he will remember you when he is in trouble again. Share on Facebook      
11I love little kids. I just can't always eat a whole one. Share on Facebook      
12A twofold national problem is how to preserve the wilderness in the country and get rid of the jungle in the cities. Share on Facebook      
13If you can't see the bright side of life, polish the dull side. Share on Facebook      
14If you came and you found a strange man teaching your kids to punch each other, or trying to sell them all kinds of products, you'd kick him right out of the house, but here you are; you come in and the TV is on, and you don't think twice about it. Share on Facebook      
15No, I'm not feeling violent, I'm feeling creative with weapons. Share on Facebook      
16Researchers have finally released the ingredients in Viagra: 2% aspirin, 2% ibuprofen, 1% filler, and 95% "Fix a Flat" Share on Facebook      
17My problem is that I appeal to everyone that can do me absolutely no good. Share on Facebook      
18Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences money can buy. Share on Facebook      
19I heard you changed your mind. What did you do with the diaper? Share on Facebook      
20No comment is a comment. Share on Facebook