| 1 | You know how it is when you decide to lie and say the check is in the mail, and then you remember it really is? I'm like that all the time. |
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| 2 | The quickest way to double your money is to fold it in half and put it back in your pocket. |
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| 3 | Teach a child to be polite and courteous, and when he grows up, he'll never be able to edge his car onto a freeway. |
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| 4 | At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "I did," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill. |
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| 5 | It's a sad thing to visit Oklahoma and see Indians wearing cowboy hats. |
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| 6 | I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms.
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| 7 | The human race is like granola - if you take away all the nuts and fruits all you have left is a bunch of flakes. |
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| 8 | Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket? |
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| 9 | My neighbor has a circular driveway, he can't get out. |
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| 10 | If a camel flies, no one laughs if it doesn't get very far. |
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| 11 | Urologists never have to advertise: They just open up an office and the patients come trickling in. |
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| 12 | What do they use to ship styrofoam? |
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| 13 | Things are more like they are today than they ever were before. |
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| 14 | By doing just a little each day, I can gradually let the task overwhelm me. |
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| 15 | Hermits have no peer pressure |
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| 16 | This statement is false. |
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| 17 | I would have made a good Pope. |
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| 18 | If at first you don't succeed....go back and reload the gun. |
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| 19 | Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them. |
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| 20 | The hardest thing in life is to do nothing... you never know when your finished. |
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