Funniest One Liners!

1Divorce is like Espresso, expensive and bitter. Share on Facebook      
2When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded. Share on Facebook      
3A man is as old as the woman he feels. Share on Facebook      
4If two wrongs don't make a right, try three. Share on Facebook      
5Show me a child who doesn't play with toys, and I'll show you a father who's not done with them yet. Share on Facebook      
6In the event of war, I'm a hostage. Share on Facebook      
7When there's a will, I want to be in it. Share on Facebook      
8Laugh, clown, laugh. This is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo. Share on Facebook      
9In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first. Share on Facebook      
10You can't train a horse with shouts, and expect it to obey a whisper. Share on Facebook      
11Your body would look good in my trunk. Share on Facebook      
12Been there, done that and have the tee-shirt to prove it. Share on Facebook      
13When people are free to do what they want they usually imitate one another. Share on Facebook      
14The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own. Share on Facebook      
15My girlfriend told me I should be more affectionate. So I got two girlfriends. Share on Facebook      
16Most public figures are really mechanical constructs, like small battlemechs that look really human, being driven by teams of rabid chipmunks. The chipmunks are trained at Quantico in a special school, costing taxpayers billions of dollars every year. This is why television is so endlessly fascinating. Share on Facebook      
17There are two reasons why some folks don't mind their own business. No mind, No business. Share on Facebook      
18The difference between secretaries and wives is: Secretaries get a little behind at work; wives get a big behind at home. Share on Facebook      
19You ever make fun of someone so much, you think you should thank them for all the good times you've had? Share on Facebook      
20How come you've never seen a plumber bite his nails? Share on Facebook