| 1 | If the wind stops, row! |
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| 2 | I decided to leave and go to California, so I packed up my Salvador Dali print of two blindfolded dental hygienists trying to make a circle on an Etch-a-Sketch, and I headed for the highway and began hitching. Within three minutes I got picked up by one of those huge trailer trucks carrying 20 brand new cars. I climbed up the side of the cab and opened the door. The guy said, "I don't have much room up here, why don't you get into one of the cars out back." So I did. And he was really into picking people up because he picked up 19 more. We all had our own cars. Then he went 90 miles per hour and we all got speeding tickets. |
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| 3 | The future is much like the present, only longer.
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| 4 | Deja Vu - When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends. |
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| 5 | When we learn all the answers, they change the questions. |
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| 6 | You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker. |
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| 7 | Of all the people in the world, you're one of em'. |
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| 8 | If anything is used to its full potential, it will break. |
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| 9 | Every person is a fool in somebody's opinion. |
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| 10 | I like my women the way i like my coffee; Ground up and in the freezer
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| 11 | If you believe everything you read, don't read. |
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| 12 | I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. |
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| 13 | Atheism is a non-prophet organization. |
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| 14 | Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman. |
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| 15 | I didn't get a toy train like the other kids, I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by. |
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| 16 | There's a big difference between good sound reasons, and reasons that sound good. |
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| 17 | Never trust a man with short legs... His brain is too near his ass. |
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| 18 | One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening.
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| 19 | Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty good |
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| 20 | Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push. |
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