Funniest One Liners!

1There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on the escalators. Share on Facebook      
2Eat right, exercise, die anyway. Share on Facebook      
3I put the TV on mute, but the O'Reilly Factor still woke me up from my nap. Share on Facebook      
4Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich. Share on Facebook      
5If you decide not to choose then you've already made the wrong choice! Share on Facebook      
6Why is there Braille on drive-through ATM machines? Share on Facebook      
7Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone. Share on Facebook      
8If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you've never tried before. Share on Facebook      
9Don't be afraid of the dark, be afraid of what it hides... Share on Facebook      
10I discovered my wife in bed with another man, and I was crushed. So I said, 'Get off me, you two!' Share on Facebook      
11The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing. Share on Facebook      
12Consultant: Someone who knows 101 ways to make love, but can't get a date. Share on Facebook      
13When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask me if I'm leaving. Share on Facebook      
14I feel like the whole world is a car wash and I'm riding a bike. Share on Facebook      
15A jump-leads walks into a bar, acting aggresively. The barman says "All right, I'll serve you... but don't start anything." Share on Facebook      
16It's all right to sit on your pity pot every now and again. Just be sure to flush when you are done. Share on Facebook      
17I used to be Snow White, but I drifted. Share on Facebook      
18If you can't get rid of the skeleton in your closet, you'd best teach it to dance. Share on Facebook      
19The best person for a job is generally the one that understands it enough to not want it. Share on Facebook      
20Wise men talk because they have something to say, Fools talk because they have to say something. Share on Facebook