Funniest One Liners!

1Guns don't kill people, postal workers do. Share on Facebook      
2There is no I in team, but there is a ME. Share on Facebook      
3If Frank Sinatra owed you a favor, you should ask him to have one of his buddies kill Andy Williams. Share on Facebook      
4When the human body is immersed in warm water, the telephone will ring. Share on Facebook      
5I have multiple personalities. Three of them are here now. Meet Ruby, Princess and Joe. Share on Facebook      
6I eat swiss cheese. But I only nibble on it. I make the holes bigger. Share on Facebook      
7I'm an expert at multitasking. I can cheat on six diets at the same time! Share on Facebook      
8I told my doctor I broke my leg in two places. He told me to quit going to those places. Share on Facebook      
9That boy's about as sharp as a bag of wet mice. Share on Facebook      
10All things being equal, you lose. Share on Facebook      
11My father taught me to work; he did not teach me to love it. Share on Facebook      
12George washington said "We would have a black president when pigs fly!"... well, swine flu. Share on Facebook      
13Humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking of yourself less. Share on Facebook      
14If you see a man approaching you with the obvious intent of doing you good, you should run for your life. Share on Facebook      
15If you don't want to slip, stay away from slippery places. Share on Facebook      
16Crazy people go through the forest by taking take the psycho path. Share on Facebook      
17Did you hear that A & P and Stop-N-Shop have merged? The new store's called "Stop 'n Pee". Share on Facebook      
18Two rights do not make a wrong, they make an airplane. Share on Facebook      
19A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead. Share on Facebook      
20Newbie: gathers honey 80% faster. Share on Facebook