Funniest One Liners!

1Even a mosquito doesn't get a slap on the back until he starts to work. Share on Facebook      
2I was provided with additional input that was radically different from the truth. I assisted in furthering that version. Share on Facebook      
3Am I getting smart with you? How would you know? Share on Facebook      
4Universal truth: No one knows the origins of their metal coat hangers. Share on Facebook      
5Indian build small fire stand real close, White man build BIG fire stand way back.... Share on Facebook      
6Beauty lasts for a moment, but ugly goes on and on and on. Share on Facebook      
7When the mouth stumbles, it is worse than the foot. Share on Facebook      
8You're not yourself today. I noticed the improvement right away. Share on Facebook      
9There are some days I practice positive thinking.And other days I'm not positive, I am thinking. Share on Facebook      
10If at first you don't succeed, redefine success. Share on Facebook      
11If rabbit's feet are so lucky, what happened to the rabbit? Share on Facebook      
12If the shoe fits, buy it. Share on Facebook      
13I don't mind coming to work, but that eight hour wait to go home is a bitch! Share on Facebook      
14Never argue with your wife. Just dicker. Share on Facebook      
15Life is like a hot bath. It feels good while you're in it, but the longer you stay, the more wrinkled you get. Share on Facebook      
16All animals, except man, know that the principle business of life is to enjoy it. Share on Facebook      
17Remember: First you pillage then you burn. Share on Facebook      
18I broke a mirror in my house, I'm supposed to get seven years of bad luck, but my lawyer thinks he can get me five. Share on Facebook      
19If suffering brings wisdom, I would wish to be less wise. Share on Facebook      
20Age does not diminish the extreme disappointment of having a scoop of ice cream fall from the cone. Share on Facebook