| 1 | I like to leave messages before the beep. |
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| 2 | A teacher observed a boy entering the classroom with dirty hands. She stopped him and said, "Johnny, please wash your hands. My goodness, what would you say if I came into the room with hands like that?" With a smile the boy replied, "I think I'd be too polite to mention it." |
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| 3 | Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your own way. |
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| 4 | Due to intense mind fog, all my thoughts have been grounded. |
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| 5 | I may not be Mr. Right, but I'll do ya until he shows up.
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| 6 | She said "Harder!" I did that. She said "Faster!" I did that. She said "Deeper!" I philosophized. |
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| 7 | If the shoe fits, buy it. |
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| 8 | Second place is the first loser. |
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| 9 | I have an existential map, it has 'you are here' written all over it. |
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| 10 | The "think positive" leader tends to listen to his subordinate's premonitions only during the postmortems. |
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| 11 | It is not the end of the world, but you can see it from there. |
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| 12 | If you're feeling good, don't worry. You'll get over it. |
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| 13 | A bachelor's life is no life for a single man. |
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| 14 | Roses are red, bullets are lead, you better love me, or I'll shoot you in the head. |
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| 15 | I saw a sign on the back of a dump truck that said: "Happiness is getting your load off." |
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| 16 | If a firefighter fights fire and a crime fighter fights crime, what does a freedom fighter fight? |
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| 17 | A bird in the hand is safer than one overhead.
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| 18 | For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program. |
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| 19 | I have an answering machine in my car. It says: I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out. |
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| 20 | They say that money is not the key to happiness. If I had lots of money, I'd have the key made. |
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