Funniest One Liners!

1Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone. Share on Facebook      
2I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses. Share on Facebook      
3My Dad was a workaholic. Everytime someone mentioned work, he got drunk. Share on Facebook      
4I'm not saying she's dumb, she's just taken a detour off the information superhighway. Share on Facebook      
5Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. Share on Facebook      
6A helping word to one in trouble is like a switch in a railroad track . . .an inch between wreck and smooth, rolling prosperity. Share on Facebook      
7A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. Share on Facebook      
8A healthy, male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his weight in other people's patience. Share on Facebook      
9Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. Share on Facebook      
10Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving. Share on Facebook      
11You have to be smart to be a smart-ass. Share on Facebook      
12I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. Share on Facebook      
13Contents may have settled out of court. Share on Facebook      
14If at first you don't succeed, try something else. Share on Facebook      
15A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it. Share on Facebook      
16People who are always making allowances for themselves, soon go bankrupt. Share on Facebook      
17If you wait to have kids until you can afford them, you probably never will. Share on Facebook      
18It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail in the process. Share on Facebook      
19Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof andair-conditioned, and then eats in the yard. Share on Facebook      
20I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts. Share on Facebook