Funniest One Liners!

1My mom was a ventriloquist and she always was throwing her voice. For ten years I thought the dog was telling me to kill my father. Share on Facebook      
2While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery. Share on Facebook      
3Hey Champ! I knew your wife was a real swinger, but I never knew she was a hooker too! Share on Facebook      
4Those who can make you believe absurdities can make you commit atrocities. Share on Facebook      
5I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours. Share on Facebook      
6Usenet is cheaper than drugs, just as addictive, but you have to know how to read! Share on Facebook      
7What do people in China call their good plates? Share on Facebook      
8It is a kind of spiritual snobbery that makes people think they can be happy without money. Share on Facebook      
9Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country. Share on Facebook      
10The minute you start talking about what you are going to do if you lose, you have lost. Share on Facebook      
11Why do psychics have to ask you for your name? Share on Facebook      
12The box said Windows 2000 or better. So I installed Linux. Share on Facebook      
13Ever notice how irons have a setting for *permanent* press? I don't get it. Share on Facebook      
14A dreamcatcher works, if your dream is to be gay. Share on Facebook      
15Even in a pile of manure, a flower will grow. Share on Facebook      
16So you are better at sex than anybody. Now all you need is a partner. Share on Facebook      
17Someone robbed the wig factory. Police have been combing the area for clues. Share on Facebook      
18I tried to be all things to all people... I ended up being nobody to everybody. Share on Facebook      
19Without risk there is no opportunity for gain. Share on Facebook      
20Those small bumps around a womans' nipples is Braille for "suck here". Share on Facebook