Funniest One Liners!

1If we find life on other planets, what would happen to the Miss Universe pageant? Share on Facebook      
2Give me ambiguity or give me something else Share on Facebook      
3How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night? Share on Facebook      
4Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred. Share on Facebook      
5If raising children was going to be easy, it never would have started with something called labor! Share on Facebook      
6Never deprive someone of hope; it may be all they have. Share on Facebook      
7All generalizations are false. Share on Facebook      
8Any woman can have the body of a 21-year-old, as long as she buys him a few drinks first. Share on Facebook      
9I tried to backup my hard drive, but I couldn't find reverse Share on Facebook      
10NyQuil - The stuffy, sneezy, why-the-hell-is-the-room-spinning medicine. Share on Facebook      
11I used to be a waiter, but I was fired for clearing tables. I was clearing them for take off. I had them all lined up outside. People thought it was an outdoor cafe. I said, "No, these are leaving at 3." They were going to fire me anyway, because I told them I thought they should put the wrapper on the inside of the straw since that's the part you don't want to get dirty. Share on Facebook      
12They say when nature calls you should answer it, I say let the answering machine get it. Share on Facebook      
13Climate is what you expect: weather is what you get. Share on Facebook      
14My next house will have no kitchen---just vending machines and a large trash can. Share on Facebook      
15He was a multi-millionaire. Wanna know how he made all of his money? He designed the little diagrams that tell which way to put batteries in. Share on Facebook      
16Don't look back, they might be gaining on you. Share on Facebook      
17The guitar of the noisy teenager at the next campsite makes excellent kindling. Share on Facebook      
18You can't have everything, where would you put it? Share on Facebook      
19Universal truth: There's no panic like the panic you momentarily feel when you've got your hand or head stuck in something. Share on Facebook      
20Worry is like a rocking chair. It gives you something to do, but it gets you nowhere. Share on Facebook