| 1 | Guys are like dogs. They keep coming back. Ladies are like cats. Yell at a cat one time...they're gone.
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| 2 | I've gotten to the age where I need my false teeth and hearing aid before I can ask where I left my glasses. |
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| 3 | My Dad was a workaholic. Everytime someone mentioned work, he got drunk. |
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| 4 | I'm not saying she's dumb, she's just taken a detour off the information superhighway. |
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| 5 | Good judgment comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgment. |
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| 6 | A helping word to one in trouble is like a switch in a railroad track . . .an inch between wreck and smooth, rolling prosperity. |
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| 7 | A hole has been found in the nudist camp wall. The police are looking into it. |
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| 8 | A healthy, male adult bore consumes each year one and a half times his weight in other people's patience. |
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| 9 | Age is a very high price to pay for maturity. |
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| 10 | Regular naps prevent old age..... especially if you take them while driving. |
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| 11 | You have to be smart to be a smart-ass. |
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| 12 | I've learned that the people you care most about in life are taken from you too soon and all the less important ones just never go away. |
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| 13 | Contents may have settled out of court. |
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| 14 | If at first you don't succeed, try something else. |
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| 15 | A hole is nothing at all, but you can break your neck in it. |
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| 16 | People who are always making allowances for themselves, soon go bankrupt.
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| 17 | If you wait to have kids until you can afford them, you probably never will. |
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| 18 | It is not enough to succeed. Others must fail in the process. |
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| 19 | Man is a peculiar creature. He spends a fortune making his home insect-proof andair-conditioned, and then eats in the yard. |
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| 20 | I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.
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