Funniest One Liners!

1If only closed minds came with closed mouths. Share on Facebook      
2What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already told that bitch twice! Share on Facebook      
3By the time they had diminished from 50 to eight, the other dwarves began to suspect "Hungry". Share on Facebook      
4There's only one way to have a happy marriage and as soon as I learn what it is I'll get married again. Share on Facebook      
5Always go to other people's funerals, otherwise they won't go to yours. Share on Facebook      
6I am reading a very interesting book about anti-gravity...I just can't put it down. Share on Facebook      
7Hallmark Card: "Congratulations on your wedding day! Too bad no one likes your wife." Share on Facebook      
8Theists think all gods but theirs are false. Atheists simply don't make an exception for the last one. Share on Facebook      
9Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy. Share on Facebook      
10Do you wash your pants in Windex? Because I can see myself in them. Share on Facebook      
11Why are the needy only thought of during the holidays? Aren't they just as needy throughout the rest of the year? Share on Facebook      
12An adult is someone old enough to know better. Share on Facebook      
13You're not completely worthless...I can at least use you as a bad example. Share on Facebook      
14Try to be grateful and resentful at the same time, you can't serve two masters. Share on Facebook      
15Is there ever a day when mattresses are NOT on sale? Share on Facebook      
16If the frictional force is greater than the applied force, does the object move backwards? Share on Facebook      
17We buy things we don't need, with money we don't have, to impress people we don't know. Share on Facebook      
18A little bit of powder, a little bit of paint, makes a girl's complexion seem what it ain't. Share on Facebook      
19A long dispute means that both parties are wrong. Share on Facebook      
20Old Macdonald had an agricultural real estate tax abatement. Share on Facebook