| 1 | If marriage were outlawed, only outlaws would have inlaws. |
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| 2 | If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead"? |
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| 3 | God is my co-pilot, but the Devil is my bombardier. |
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| 4 | The word listen contains the same letters as the word silent. |
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| 5 | From the moment I picked your book up to the moment I set it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend to read it. |
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| 6 | I have spent most of my money on women and beer. The rest I just wasted...
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| 7 | Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket? |
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| 8 | You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it. |
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| 9 | Why do they call it a One Night Stand when you're horizontal most of the time ? |
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| 10 | If you gave her a penny for her thoughts, you'd get change back. |
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| 11 | Nobody's ugly after 2 a.m. |
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| 12 | We come to love not by finding a perfect person but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. |
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| 13 | When the toilet paper of experience is depleted, the ass of reason goes unwiped. |
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| 14 | There are only two kinds of people in the world - there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good morning, Lord," and there are those who wake up in the morning and say, "Good Lord, it's morning." |
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| 15 | Hallmark Card: "Your friends and I wanted to do something special for your birthday.... so we're having you put to sleep." |
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| 16 | Cancel my subscription caused I'm over your issues!
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| 17 | Only the insane have strength enough to prosper; only those that prosper may judge what is truly sane. |
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| 18 | If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and you turn on the headlights, does anything happen? |
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| 19 | You make me hornier before 9 AM than most people do all day. |
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| 20 | Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. |
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