Funniest One Liners!

1My ex-husband was temperamental: 90% temper and 10% mental. Share on Facebook      
2WARNING: the conssumpten of alcahol may mack you tihnk you can tipe real gode. Share on Facebook      
3Laugh, clown, laugh. This is what I tell myself whenever I dress up like Bozo. Share on Facebook      
4Energizer Bunny Arrested - charged with battery. Share on Facebook      
5I got kicked out of Riverdance for using my arms. Share on Facebook      
6Consider the daffodil. And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff. Share on Facebook      
7Heaven is where the police are British, the mechanics German, the cooks are French, the lovers Italian, and all is organize by the Swiss.Hell is where the police are German, the mechanics are French, the cooks are British, the lovers are Swiss, and it's all organized by the Italians! Share on Facebook      
8Always forgive your enemies but never forget their names. Share on Facebook      
9If you touch a phosphorous lighting lamp for consecutive hours, you may develop a tumor. Share on Facebook      
10I refuse to think of them as chin hairs... I think of them as stray eyebrows. Share on Facebook      
11Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at statistics. Share on Facebook      
12People in cars cause accidents. Accidents in cars cause people. Share on Facebook      
13Friendship is like money, easier made than kept. Share on Facebook      
14The Miss Universe pageant is fixed. All the winners are from Earth. Share on Facebook      
15Don't steal. That's the government's job. Share on Facebook      
16Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long. Share on Facebook      
17I have a million dollar figure...but it's all loose change! Share on Facebook      
18Blessed are the censors; they shall inhibit the earth. Share on Facebook      
19Winny would spend all of his time practicing limbo. He got pretty good. He could go under a rug. Share on Facebook      
20There isn't enough insanity to spread to my other half. Share on Facebook