Funniest One Liners!

1If the wind stops, row! Share on Facebook      
2I decided to leave and go to California, so I packed up my Salvador Dali print of two blindfolded dental hygienists trying to make a circle on an Etch-a-Sketch, and I headed for the highway and began hitching. Within three minutes I got picked up by one of those huge trailer trucks carrying 20 brand new cars. I climbed up the side of the cab and opened the door. The guy said, "I don't have much room up here, why don't you get into one of the cars out back." So I did. And he was really into picking people up because he picked up 19 more. We all had our own cars. Then he went 90 miles per hour and we all got speeding tickets. Share on Facebook      
3The future is much like the present, only longer. Share on Facebook      
4Deja Vu - When you think you're doing something you've done before, it's because God thought it was so funny, he had to rewind it for his friends. Share on Facebook      
5When we learn all the answers, they change the questions. Share on Facebook      
6You know it's time to do the laundry when you dry off with a sneaker. Share on Facebook      
7Of all the people in the world, you're one of em'. Share on Facebook      
8If anything is used to its full potential, it will break. Share on Facebook      
9Every person is a fool in somebody's opinion. Share on Facebook      
10I like my women the way i like my coffee; Ground up and in the freezer Share on Facebook      
11If you believe everything you read, don't read. Share on Facebook      
12I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel. Share on Facebook      
13Atheism is a non-prophet organization. Share on Facebook      
14Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms? They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman. Share on Facebook      
15I didn't get a toy train like the other kids, I got a toy subway instead. You couldn't see anything but every now and then you'd hear this rumbling noise go by. Share on Facebook      
16There's a big difference between good sound reasons, and reasons that sound good. Share on Facebook      
17Never trust a man with short legs... His brain is too near his ass. Share on Facebook      
18One advantage of talking to yourself is that you know at least somebody's listening. Share on Facebook      
19Sex without love is a meaningless experience, but as meaningless experiences go, it's pretty good Share on Facebook      
20Sometimes the best helping hand you can give is a good, firm push. Share on Facebook