Funniest One Liners!

1The only stupid question is the question you don't ask. Share on Facebook      
2Don't count the days, make the days count. Share on Facebook      
3It matters not whether you win or lose: what matters is whether I win or lose. Share on Facebook      
4As I was wheeled into the operating room, I was begining to have a change of heart. Share on Facebook      
5A committee is a group that keeps minutes and loses hours. Share on Facebook      
6Sex is a misdemeanor. . .the more I miss it, the meaner I get Share on Facebook      
7In our family we don't divorce our men, we bury them. Share on Facebook      
8When you get something for nothing, you just haven't been billed for it yet. Share on Facebook      
9A friend with weed is a friend indeed; A friend in need is a bloody pain. Share on Facebook      
10One only needs two tools in life: WD-40 to make things go, and duct tape to make them stop. Share on Facebook      
11I'm a great housekeeper. I get divorced. I keep the house. Share on Facebook      
12The days of the digital watch are numbered. Share on Facebook      
13I am not going bald... I'm getting more head. Share on Facebook      
14Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope. Share on Facebook      
15If you're born again, do you have two belly buttons? Share on Facebook      
16On your mark, get set, go away! Share on Facebook      
17Information is giving out.Communication is getting through. Share on Facebook      
18If you can't convince them, confuse them. Share on Facebook      
19A more expensive tennis racket will not make you a better player. Share on Facebook      
20I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it. Share on Facebook