Funniest One Liners!

1You ever wake up with an erection, roll over, and think you broke your dick? Share on Facebook      
2If all the cars on the Earth were lined up bumper to bumper, some idiot would try to pass them. Share on Facebook      
3By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn't believe me. Share on Facebook      
4Just because your doctor has a name for your condition doesn't mean he knows what it is. Share on Facebook      
5Sparklers are the gay cousins of the fireworks family. Share on Facebook      
6According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they notice about men s they're a bunch of liars. Share on Facebook      
7If oranges smell like chicken, why are tomatoes blue? Think about it! Share on Facebook      
8You can't win. You can't break even. You can't even quit the game. Share on Facebook      
9Childhood is that wonderful time of life when all you need do to lose weight is to take a bath. Share on Facebook      
10Of the choice of two evils, I pick the one I've never tried before. Share on Facebook      
11The great lie of the news media: "I am the public". Share on Facebook      
12Eat well, stay fit, die anyway. Share on Facebook      
13My wife says my lovemaking is like a news bulletin. Brief, unexpected and usually a disaster. Share on Facebook      
14If I die, I'm taking you with me!... oh, -you're- dying? Forget I said anything. Share on Facebook      
15Diplomacy - the art of letting someone have your own way. Share on Facebook      
16If you're not living on the edge, you're taking up too much room. Share on Facebook      
17I love cats, they taste just like chicken. Share on Facebook      
18A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything." Share on Facebook      
19We spent our whole youth to obtain wealth and our whole wealth to obtain youth. Share on Facebook      
20The balls are the posse of the penis. While the penis is inside you, making you happy, the balls are outside working security. It's a velvet rope situation. No one can get in now. Finger, not tonight. There's another club around the block, it's a little dirty, but I think you can squeeze in. Share on Facebook