Funniest One Liners!

1People who are resistant to change cannot resist change for the worse. Share on Facebook      
2Why do stores always put their slowest clerks in the "express" lane? Share on Facebook      
3I'm an expert at multitasking. I can cheat on six diets at the same time! Share on Facebook      
4Experience is the name that everyone gives to their mistakes. Share on Facebook      
5Tact is the ability to close your mouth before somebody else wants to. Share on Facebook      
6Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb! Share on Facebook      
7If diamonds are a girl's best friend and a dog is man's best friend, who really is the dumber sex? Share on Facebook      
8When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms with me. I said, "Well, what do you need?" Share on Facebook      
9A drunk man's words are a sober man's thoughts. Share on Facebook      
10Robots will be able to buy happiness, but in condensed chip form. Share on Facebook      
11If everything seems to be coming your way, you're probably in the wrong lane. Share on Facebook      
12You will never "win" an argument concerning religion. Share on Facebook      
13Cogito cogito ergo cogito sum. I think that I think, therefore I think that I am. Share on Facebook      
14Dancing is like a shower: one wrong turn and you're in hot water. Share on Facebook      
15Who are these kids and why are they calling me mom? Share on Facebook      
16Life not only begins at forty, it begins to show. Share on Facebook      
17Bigamy is having one wife too many. Monogamy is the same. Share on Facebook      
18Timing has an awful lot to do with the outcome of a raindance. Share on Facebook      
19By the time I realized my parents were right, I had kids that didn't believe me. Share on Facebook      
20It would be funny if, while performing an abortion, someone yelled 'abort! abort!' Share on Facebook