Funniest One Liners!

1Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game" when we are already there? Share on Facebook      
2Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets are dressing up as mattresses? Share on Facebook      
3WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked. Share on Facebook      
4I am not young enough to know everything. Share on Facebook      
5Whatever hits the fan will not be evenly distributed. Share on Facebook      
6How am I? If I were any better, I'd be twins. Share on Facebook      
7Isn't having a smoking section in a restaurant like having a peeing section in a swimming pool? Share on Facebook      
8If we were both squirrels, would you play with my nuts? Share on Facebook      
9I want a tan where the sun never shines. Share on Facebook      
10What's the difference between a southern zoo and a northern zoo? A southern zoo has a description of the animal on the front of the cage along with... "a recipe". Share on Facebook      
11I can't promise that I'll try. But I'll try to try. Share on Facebook      
12Why don't satanic warlocks ever appear on televison to exhort unbelievers to donate money to fight God? Share on Facebook      
13Your body would look good in my trunk. Share on Facebook      
14An archaeologist is the best husband any woman can have: The older she gets, the more interested he is in her. Share on Facebook      
15The best argument against democracy is a five minute talk with the average voter. Share on Facebook      
16I'm thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out my nose. Share on Facebook      
17453.6 graham crackers == 1 pound cake Share on Facebook      
18I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. This wasn't it. Share on Facebook      
19God heals, and the Doctor takes the Fee. Share on Facebook      
20Jean-Paul Sartre is sitting at a French cafe, revising his draft of Being and Nothingness. He says to the waitress, "I'd like a cup of coffee, please, with no cream." The waitress replies, "I'm sorry, monsieur, but we're out of cream. How about with no milk?" Share on Facebook