Funniest One Liners!

1An object in motion will always be headed in the wrong direction. Share on Facebook      
2Life's a buffet ... so eat me! Share on Facebook      
3It is morally wrong to allow suckers to keep their money. Share on Facebook      
4The best thing about living at the beach is that you only have assholes on three sides of you. Share on Facebook      
5My greatest fear is there is no such thing as PMS and this is really my wife's personality. Share on Facebook      
6I grew up with six brothers. That's how I learned to dance - waiting for the bathroom. Share on Facebook      
7Having children is like having a bowling alley installed in your brain. Share on Facebook      
8Software isn't released, it's allowed to escape. Share on Facebook      
9Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's own ignorance. Share on Facebook      
10You know that kind of drunk where you're a drink away from yelling faggot or being one? Share on Facebook      
11Yesterday I told a chicken to cross the road. It said, "What for?" Share on Facebook      
12Any ship can be a minesweeper... once. Share on Facebook      
13Having sex with her is incredible. It's just like a concert. We throw Frisbees around the room. And when she wants more she lights a match. Share on Facebook      
14Life is a test, and I didn't take very good notes. Share on Facebook      
15You know how it is when you're walking up the stairs, and you get to the top, and you think there's one more step? I'm like that all the time. Share on Facebook      
16A wise schoolteacher sends this note to all parents on the first day of school: "If you promise not to believe everything your child says happens at school, I'll promise not to believe everything he says happens at home." Share on Facebook      
17I don't like people who take drugs... Customs men for example. Share on Facebook      
18A wife is a person who can look in the top drawer of a dresser and find a man's handkerchief that isn't there. Share on Facebook      
19I sold my house this week. I got a pretty good price for it, but it made my landlord mad as hell. Share on Facebook      
20If you want to meet new people, pick up the wrong golf ball. Share on Facebook