Funniest One Liners!

1Keep America beautiful ... properly dispose of your lawyer. Share on Facebook      
2Friendly fire - isn't. Share on Facebook      
3I pledge allegiance to the earth, one planet, many gods, and to the universe in which she spins. Share on Facebook      
4I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. This wasn't it. Share on Facebook      
5Test link. Click under penalty of explosion. Share on Facebook      
6Never mistake motion for action. Share on Facebook      
7Having your lawyer pay for lunch will be very expensive in the end. Share on Facebook      
8Could it be that all those trick-or-treaters wearing sheets are dressing up as mattresses? Share on Facebook      
9Hi-ho, hi-ho, it's hand grenades I throw.. Share on Facebook      
10Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot. Share on Facebook      
11I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life. Share on Facebook      
12To love and win is the best thing; to love and lose, the next best. Share on Facebook      
13If you can't control the wind, adjust your sail. Share on Facebook      
14Anatidaephobia: The fear that somewhere, somehow, a duck is watching you. Share on Facebook      
15Only the paranoid survive. Share on Facebook      
16Being paranoid means never having to think that you're alone. Share on Facebook      
17When we were together, you always said you'd die for me. Now that we've broke up, I think it's time you kept your promise! Share on Facebook      
18Something you never want to hear during surgery: "Ewww blood!" Share on Facebook      
19You have the right to remain silent, so please SHUT UP. Share on Facebook      
20All the plants in my house are dead - I shot them last night. I was teasing them by watering them with ice cubes. Share on Facebook