Funniest One Liners!

1An unfinished thought is like a day without... Share on Facebook      
2The man who views the world at 50 the same as he did at 20 has wasted 30 years of his life. Share on Facebook      
3Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana. Share on Facebook      
4For Sale: Wedding dress, size 8. Worn once by mistake. Share on Facebook      
5You can't stay married in a situation where you are afraid to go to sleep in case your wife might cut your throat. Share on Facebook      
6When your life shatters into a million pieces, pick up the pieces, grab some glue, and make a new one. Share on Facebook      
7Programming errors which would normally require one day to find will take five days when the programmer is in a hurry. Share on Facebook      
8Hallmark Card: "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the hell was I thinking?" Share on Facebook      
9Can someone tell me where on my marriage license I can find the expiration date ? Share on Facebook      
10Women may not hit harder, but they hit lower. Share on Facebook      
11Don't abuse marijuana... smoke it gently and carefully. Share on Facebook      
12Acid: better living through chemistry. Share on Facebook      
13A friend of mine once sent me a post card with a picture of the entire planet Earth taken from space. On the back it said, "Wish you were here." Share on Facebook      
14I am Fudd, of Borg. Be vewy, vewy quiet. I'm assimiwating. Share on Facebook      
152000 mockingbirds == two kilomockingbirds (work on it....) Share on Facebook      
16There are two ways to slide easily through life: to believe everything or to doubt everything, both ways save us from thinking. Share on Facebook      
17Notice on a conference-room door: "Self-Assertiveness Course. Please Barge In". Share on Facebook      
18No one has ever complained of a parachute not opening. Share on Facebook      
19All power corrupts, but we need the electricity. Share on Facebook      
20Puddy, when applied to a burn, makes a tasty bandage. Share on Facebook