Funniest One Liners!

1I do not belong to an organized political party; I am a Democrat. Share on Facebook      
2Not only did my ex-wife drive me crazy, she made me pay for the gas. Share on Facebook      
3If I was ever playing hide-and-go-seek I would want Anne Frank on my team. Share on Facebook      
4People say that hard work never killed anybody, but did you ever know anybody who rested to death? Share on Facebook      
5Where does an Irish family go on vacation? A different bar. Share on Facebook      
6Friendship is like money, easier made than kept. Share on Facebook      
7Hallmark Card: "If I get only one thing for Christmas, I hope it's your sister." Share on Facebook      
8If anything is used to its full potential, it will break. Share on Facebook      
9As smile is a curve that can set things straight. Share on Facebook      
10Beware of programmers who carry screwdrivers. Share on Facebook      
11If you're happy and you know it see a shrink. Share on Facebook      
12Don't steal. That's the government's job. Share on Facebook      
13I've learned that regardless of how hot and steamy a relationship is at first, the passion fades, and there had better be a lot of money to take its place. Share on Facebook      
14I saw a woman wearing a sweat shirt with "Guess" on it...so I said "Implants?" Share on Facebook      
15The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. Share on Facebook      
168 nickels == 2 paradigms Share on Facebook      
17If it wasn't for pick-pockets I'd have no sex life at all. Share on Facebook      
18If you can't get a lawyer who knows the law, get one who knows the judge. Share on Facebook      
19It's amazing how your kids stop coming back home once they get their own washer and dryer. Share on Facebook      
20In your life you will love someone so much you could eat them, then you will get married and wish you had. Share on Facebook