Funniest One Liners!

1In our school you were searched for guns and knifes on the way in and if you didn't have any, they gave you some. Share on Facebook      
2Doing autopsies is a dying practice. Share on Facebook      
3When the going gets weird, the weird turn pro. Share on Facebook      
4Do you ever wonder what life would be like if you'd had enough oxygen at birth? Share on Facebook      
5Don't interrupt me when I'm talking to myself. Share on Facebook      
6Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. Share on Facebook      
7Efficiency is a highly developed form of laziness. Share on Facebook      
8Don't measure your life by how many breaths you take, measure it by how many times you get your breath taken away. Share on Facebook      
9Do unto others... then bill them for it. Share on Facebook      
10They say it's never too late to learn to play the piano, but at 2 a.m., I really wish my roommate would quit and go to bed. Share on Facebook      
11My mom said the only reason men are alive is for lawn care and vehicle maintenance. Share on Facebook      
12Quality assurance doesn't. Share on Facebook      
13Yes, I am an agent of Satan, but my duties are largely ceremonial. Share on Facebook      
14Prime numbers are divisible by zero. That's why they're the best numbers. Share on Facebook      
15A man spends the first half of his life learning habits that shorten the other half of his life. Share on Facebook      
16Count your rainbows, not your thunderstorms. Share on Facebook      
17We are all time travelers moving at the speed of exactly 60 minutes per hour Share on Facebook      
18I had to stop driving my car for a while, the tires got dizzy. Share on Facebook      
19Going the speed of light is bad for your age. Share on Facebook      
20Worry often gives a small thing a large shadow. Share on Facebook