Funniest One Liners!

1America is a land where citizens vote for Democrats but hope to live like Republicans. Share on Facebook      
2Life is like a box of chocolates; you never know when you'll find a nut. Share on Facebook      
3Usenet is cheaper than drugs, just as addictive, but you have to know how to read! Share on Facebook      
4Your stupid! (wait for it...) Share on Facebook      
5I should've known it wasn't going to work out between my ex-wife and me. After all, I'm a Libra and she's a bitch. Share on Facebook      
6You say heretic like it's a bad thing. Share on Facebook      
7It's a bird, it's a plane, it's a.. no, no, it's a bird. Share on Facebook      
8A poor surgeon hurts 1 person at a time. A poor teacher hurts 130. Share on Facebook      
9If you were going to die soon and had only one phone call you could make, who would you call and what would you say? And why are you waiting? Share on Facebook      
10You can lead a horse to water, but, a pencil must be lead. Share on Facebook      
11She dyes her hair so much, her driver's license has a color wheel. Share on Facebook      
12The only fool bigger than the person who knows it all is the person who argues with them. Share on Facebook      
13If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away? Share on Facebook      
14I've learned that you shouldn't compare yourself to others - they are more screwed up than you think. Share on Facebook      
15Most people who are as attractive, witty and intelligent as I am are usually conceited. Share on Facebook      
16To let a fool kiss you is stupid. To let a kiss fool you is worse. Share on Facebook      
17Help wanted: Telepath. You know where to apply. Share on Facebook      
18A happily married man is one who understands every word which his wife didn't say. Share on Facebook      
19If a tree falls on a mime in the woods, and there's no one there to hear it, does the mime make a sound? Share on Facebook      
20Playboy is coming out with a new magazine for men who are married... Every month the centerfold is the same woman. Share on Facebook