Funniest One Liners!

1Just because you're smart doesn't mean that the other guy is stupid. Share on Facebook      
2If a pig loses its voice, is it disgruntled? Share on Facebook      
3Laugh and the world laughs with you. Snore and you sleep alone. Share on Facebook      
4Xerox and Wurlitzer will merge to market reproductive organs. Share on Facebook      
5Scandisk is now checking your hard drive. You can start praying. Share on Facebook      
6In golf as in life it is the follow through that makes the difference. Share on Facebook      
7Why do banks charge a fee on "insufficient funds" when they know there is not enough? Share on Facebook      
8Why do we call them buildings when they're finished? Shouldn't they be called Builts? Share on Facebook      
9You know, they got a luggage store in the airport? A place to buy a piece of luggage? How late do you have to be for a flight where you're like, 'Damn it - just grab a pile of shit. We'll get a bag at the airport'. Share on Facebook      
10At first I thought, if I were Superman, a perfect secret identity would be "Clark Kent, Dentist," because you could save money on tooth X-rays. But then I thought, if a patient said, "How's my back tooth?" and you just looked at it with your X-ray vision and said, "Oh it's okay," then the patient would probably say, "Aren't you going to take an X-ray, stupid?" and you'd say, "I did," and then he probably wouldn't even pay his bill. Share on Facebook      
11A penny saved is a penny earned, and a penny spent, is a penny enjoyed. Share on Facebook      
12The Congress is a strange place where people get up and speak, nobody listens, and then everyone disagrees at the top of their lungs. Share on Facebook      
13Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have your job. Share on Facebook      
14The most enjoyable way to follow a vegetable diet is to let the cow eat it, and then eat the cow. Share on Facebook      
15When your Mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair. Share on Facebook      
16Consumers are statistics, customers are people. Share on Facebook      
17If life is a waste of time, and time is a waste of life, then let's all get wasted together and have the time of our lives. Share on Facebook      
18Shhhh... that's the sound of nobody caring what you think. Share on Facebook      
19Gravity- It's not just a good idea, it's the LAW! Share on Facebook      
20How do you fix a woman's watch? You don't. There is a clock on the oven. Share on Facebook