Funniest One Liners!

1What's the height of conceit? Having an orgasm and calling out your own name. Share on Facebook      
2Percussive Maintenance - this is the fine art of whacking the crap out of an electronic device to get it to work again. Share on Facebook      
3If your name was homework, i'd be doing you on my desk right now. Share on Facebook      
4Real knowledge is to know the extent of one's own ignorance. Share on Facebook      
5I am not an organ donor, but I once gave an old piano to the Salvation Army. Share on Facebook      
6By the time you can make ends meet, they shorten the rope. Share on Facebook      
7I started seeing a therapist. She didn't know I was seeing her. That was kinda fun. Share on Facebook      
8An optimist believes we live in the best of all worlds. A pessimist fears this is true. Share on Facebook      
9If at first you don't succeed, look in the trash for the instructions. Share on Facebook      
10Hate is like swallowing poison and waiting for the other person to die. Share on Facebook      
11Air travel: Breakfast in London, dinner in New York, luggage in Brazil. Share on Facebook      
12A hangover is the wrath of grapes. Share on Facebook      
13The Children are the future. Today belongs to me! Share on Facebook      
14Wisdom whispers - foolishness shouts. Share on Facebook      
15Hallmark Card: "Looking back over the years that we've been together, I can't help but wonder: What the hell was I thinking?" Share on Facebook      
16There is no stronger bond of friendship than a mutual enemy. Share on Facebook      
17Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off. Share on Facebook      
18Yesterday I parked my car in a tow-away zone... when I came back the entire area was missing. Share on Facebook      
19Can vegetarians eat animal crackers? Share on Facebook      
20WARNING: The consumption of alcohol may be a major factor in getting your ass kicked. Share on Facebook